Weekly Assignments For Couples
Coupledom shouldn’t turn into boredom. Nurturing our relationships
and ourselves is one of the most important elements of awareness a couple ought
to mutually share. Feeling
stuck can be
difficult to maneuver; it is during these times we need to press each other out
of our comfort zones. Stop by here to read Agi’s weekly assignment for couples
to help them stay
happily in love…
April 22,
2012
I’m Sexy And I Know It
Do you ever
spend time people watching? You know, when you’re waiting in line somewhere or sitting
at a coffee shop, eating at a restaurant, it’s fun just to watch the world
around you. I find the human species fascinating and I love to watch the
behavior of people and the way they interact with one another or the way they
dress or care for themselves, etc. You can’t blame me for doing so, after all,
we live in a media infested society where voyeurism has been taken to new
heights. We have seen the Kardashian girls exhibit near soft porn on their
reality shows, housewives behaving badly and the torture and devastation of
people being brutalized or worse yet, killed, being shown on television daily. In
light of all this negative drama we are glued to the mediums that put out these
visuals. If we weren’t inclined to watch no one would be producing them. So, in
my quiet voyeuristic way, I like to people watch. Oh, don’t poke your
unattractive judgmental eyes at me you know you do it too.
One of the
quirky observations I have made for years is the lack of care people have for
themselves especially after marriage. For example, I see women and men who are
married and look like they not only need a major makeover, but they simply do
not care for themselves at all. Some women who are married to fairly decent
looking men have allowed themselves to gain a lot of weight, wear no make-up, nothing
wrong with the au naturel look, but when you have black hairs growing out of
your face and it looks like you never brush your hair or worse yet, your teeth, its time to take note. I always wonder what people see when they look in the
mirror? I’ve seen some women who wear oversized clothing that look like pajama
pants, which are left over from…. Well, I
don’t remember an era when these were in style, or saggy old bras allowing
their boobs to be lopsided or worse yet, they are hanging low to their knees,
it just blows my mind! Even worse then the disheveled physical appearance are
the women who constantly wear a scowl on their face and they are always
bossing their spouse around. Plain ‘ole Bitchy. I always wonder if they behaved and looked
this way when they were single and dating their prospective spouses or were
they just sending out their best representative to close the deal? What
happened after they got married? Do they feel since they lassoed their mate they
don’t have to care for themselves anymore? Are they just lazy? Do they have
such low self-esteem they can’t find their way out of the dark pit in their
heads? Have they not heard about the
high divorce rates in this country or the fact that the rate of husbands
cheating on their wives is over 57%, this according to Infidelityfacts.com.
This number is astonishing, however, based on my observation of some of these
women not so surprising. Not to be an observer of just women, some of these
dudes need to get a grip too. What about the men whose guts are puffing out and
rolling over the top of their belts – yuck!
Or, the fella who is balding and
instead of just going with it they do a comb over. Bleck! Haven’t any of these guys seen Bruce Willis? Now this dude
is cool. He has charisma, sex appeal and he is constantly feigning a touch of
hubris, which on him is just down right hot! The last time I checked Bruce is
q-ball bald, but his confidence is never in doubt. Instead of fighting his hair
loss he just went with it and kept himself in shape. Actually, I believe the
most attractive asset a man or woman can have is confidence. As my daughter
say’s:
“Confidence is like deodorant, you have to wear it everyday!”
Well said for
an eleven year old!
Let’s get
down to business and discuss the assignment. Both of you are going to take a
trip down memory lane. Go back into your photo albums, you remember how we used
to place photos in book like folders? Jeez, now we just view photos on our
computers, my, how time has changed everything around us. Both of you should
pick out 3-5 photos of your spouse prior to marriage or commitment when you
thought they looked great. The photos that remind you of what you were
attracted to. If my theory is correct, both of you looked vastly different then
you do today. Now listen, I am not saying growing older is a bad thing, it is
something we all have to contend with. The point that I am trying to drive home
is how are we caring for ourselves as we get older? Most importantly, how do we
feel about ourselves internally? Have you ever seen a woman walk into a room
and all eyes veer towards her? It may not necessarily be that she is drop dead
gorgeous, but she is filled with self-confidence and her energy exudes into the
room making people take note of her. I will also bet, she takes great care of
herself.
After sharing
the photos take time to contemplate your state of mind during that period in
your life. Were you happy, silly, fun loving and willing to go on new adventures?
Do you feel the same today? These days are you spending dinnertime by the
television, waking up in the morning feeling tired and uninspired? If so, it’s
time to take some serious action. Here are three things I want both of you to
do for the next week:
1)
Last
one out of bed has to make the bed.
a.
Nothing
is less sexy then coming home to a messy bed
2)
Every
morning prepare yourself as if you were attending a formal event sans the
cocktail attire. However, I want you to put on an outfit that makes you feel
like you have moxie. I want you to style
your hair, scrub your face, put on perfume/cologne and look in the mirror and
repeat the following:
a.
“I
love you! I love my life and my life loves me!” Say this out loud three times
every morning before you leave your home.
3)
No
TV all week! The focus after work should be about each other and thoughtful
conversation. Prior to bedtime, both of you should take a shower to refresh you
from the day. You never know this may inspire you to have a little nooky! Woo hoo!
Since I was a little girl my
grandmother always taught me three things she said a lady should do everyday:
1)
Make
her bed
2)
Never
leave the house without lipstick on
3)
Never
leave the house without perfume on
To this day, I live by this routine
and it always makes me feel like I have my game on. So, ladies and gentlemen,
time to get your game on.
Stand tall, live with joy in your
heart and always find your inner sexy!
April 16,
2012
Let's talk about Sex Baby!
This past
week I was touring our Country’s capital via a tour program. Much of the time
we were being shuffled from place to place with only moments to eat our meals
in less than desirable food establishments. As I was chowing down my meals
hurrying to finish because our chaperone Nazi was yelling at us continually to ‘hurry up’ I realized that all the fun,
flavor and experience was being removed from the pleasure I should have been
experiencing while eating a meal. Don’t ask me how, but I somehow correlated
this to sex and how we rush our selves in the heat of the moment to do the
rumba and then moments later (sorry fella’s the truth hurts sometimes) the event
is over. Kinda a let down – no pun intended.
Thinking
about food and sex got me to think about my weekly assignment for couples. You
guessed it – let’s talk about SEX baby! If you think about it, much of our time
spent eating is for pure entertainment value. If you cook at home much like I
do you will spend time mulling over recipes then going to the store to buy the
provisions which we carefully choose as we squeeze, smell and lift the vegetables
or fruits we plan to use for our feast. Once home we spend careful time setting
the table chopping the ingredients to the perfect size then assembling the meal
just so. Soon we are pouring a beautiful glass of wine to accompany the meal
and we sit down to enjoy the fruits of our labor over a delicious cuisine and
yummy conversation. So, my question is;
why are we not spending as much time planning a succulent evening filled with luscious,
gratifying sex? Exactly! This week all you beautiful couples should plan on two
evenings of amazing sex. You are both required to be responsible for one of
those evenings. This means you will have sex at least twice this week, which is
line with the average amount of sex a person has per year (103.) So, get
creative, spend thoughtful time planning out the evening; Buy the necessary items,
toys, whipped cream or whatever you fancy and then make the event last for
hours. Okay, if you can’t do it for hours at least make time to explore, try
new things and ask your partner what they like or want. Make this a pleasurable
experience for both of you and put as much effort into it as you would if you
were preparing a special meal for those you love. And, as always, I want you to
share every naughty detail with me (wink, wink.)
Happy Trails!
April 9, 2012
I was
thinking about this week’s assignment for couples and I kept going back to what
I assigned to the single folks. It should resonate for everyone, so, I decided
to post it to all you fabulous couples too!
This past
week I learned something new about myself that surprised even me. I realized
that if I removed all ideologies about how I should think and behave as a single woman I might experience
something new and exciting. For years I have lived inside a box built by
societal mores, expectations and belief systems instilled in me stemming from
my upbringing all the way to the social circles I have mingled in. I decided to
throw caution to the wind and allow myself to stay open from a visceral place
of rawness. It paid off, and indeed I did experience something so uplifting and
joyful that I felt as if I had drank a bottle of bubbles and was floating above
the ground beneath my toes. Life and the way I viewed it took on a whole new
meaning.
I simply
freed myself of the earthly minded judgment I have created over the years and
gave in to my long belief that what
others think of me is none of my business. With this new found attitude I
feel anew and everyday since has truly become a fresh and distinct experience.
So, right now, I am loving life more than ever and my insides are tingling with
excitement and amusement. I can hear my internal spirit giggling a hardy belly
laugh with a childlike enthusiasm.
So, now it is
your turn to experience this new way of life. This will require much of what we
have been discussing over the past weeks – careful mindfulness. Your assignment
this week is to go out to a public place at least three times. It doesn’t have
to be a bar, although this is a great
ground for testing how mindful you can stay, it can be a park, walking the
streets of your neighborhood or a place of worship, which for me is being the
throws of mother nature. Before you go on your outing spend some quiet time
thinking about letting go of any knowledge or judgment you have about people,
experiences, expectations and open your heart and mind to the possibilities
that are available to you now. Believe that you will see for the first time,
know that you will experience something new and trust that your heart will
become abundant with laughter and merriment. Imagine yourself being born again,
not in the religious way, but in a
way that allows you to accept and behold the world as if it is the first time
you have ever been here. Walk around and look at places and objects that you
normally would never pay attention to. Speak to a person on the street that you
would never approach before because you had a preconceived notion about who
they are or you had some sort of judgment about what they represent. Ask them
about their story. Everyone has a memoir and I bet you will be pleasantly
surprised when you hear someone’s tale because it will be vastly different then
what your tainted and socially brainwashed self had thought it would be. The world
you live in is not what you think my friend; it is a hologram of years of
conditioning by your parents, family, friends, media, religion and all the
influences of those around you. Free yourself this week of all your beliefs and
for these three sojourns walk as a tourist of life with wonderment, acceptance
and curiosity. Life doesn’t have to fit into the little box that was
generically built for you and by you. Bust out and see what happens!
April 2, 2012
Who are you in your
relationship?
I spoke about
individuality last week and the relevance it has within a relationship, but I
felt it needed further attention. Have you thought about how you see yourself
within your relationship and what role you play? Relationships should be
dynamic and there will always be a lot of moving parts, but the key to success
is how we maneuver ourselves within each situation. I think we are often so
caught up in the day to day busyness of our worlds that we have no idea who we
are in our partnership let alone in the world.
The
assignment for this week is to spend some thoughtful time thinking about what
role you assume within your relationship. Are you the caretaker, the
authoritarian, nurturer, lover, friend, equal partner, etc. I want you to both
write a list of how you define yourself within you marriage/partnership. Give
yourself the entire week to fine tune your list. In another words, don’t sit
down and in five minutes write your list:
I’m his bitch, housekeeper, mother, chef,
maid, bitch, bitch, bitch.
I’m the provider…. Isn’t that enough damn it?
We’ll have
none of that kids. Be honest and thoughtful, it’s okay to be brutal but not
insulting. Remember, this is from your point of view. Next, I want you to work on a second list,
this one should be how you would like to see your role within the relationship.
Do you want to be the caregiver, the nurturing partner, an equal player on the
team? Consider this your desired end result list, the way you would like to
have your partner view you. Now you will write a third list; this one should be
how you see your spouse/partner’s role in the relationship in your current
state and finally, a fourth list that outlines what role you would like your
partner to really play. These lists don’t include the game of role playing, but
I promise to reward you with an exercise in the future that will entail a
naughty assignment around role playing….
Okay, so now
you have four lists you must compose and ponder. So now what? Well, again, I
suggest a quiet dinner sans, children and cell phones where you can share your
lists one at a time in chronological order of the assignment. The tricky part
of this exercise will be to keep your mind and heart open to what you hear from
your partner. Don’t jump to conclusions and try and shut your ego up while the
other shares their list with you. This exchange should be a learning expedition
about each other and ways the two of you can explore and satisfy each other
more fully. I am positive you will both learn many new ideologies from this
share and hopefully you will learn to give each other more of what you desire
to fill your hearts with greater understanding, compassion and empathy.
Ultimately, I want to see you grow stronger as a team and more respectful of
the other.
Let the list
writing begin!
March 26, 2012
Do As I Say, Not As I Do….Huh?
Do you ever
notice how some couples start to look and act alike? Once in a while I’ll meet
a couple that actually speaks alike, laughs alike and even dresses alike, I am hopeful they are doing this
unconsciously. Listen, I don’t see anything wrong with sharing some of the
same values and political points of view, but when you start finishing each
others sentences in that cutesy, baby talking, boo boo, honey bunny, bullshit,
it borders a gag-reflexing reaction. You know, the couple that rubs their noses
together and shakes their heads swooning: “Babe,
I got you babe….” Bluck, gag me with a pitch fork! I don’t believe for a
moment these couples who are so lovey dovey all the time in public are truly in
love. I think one of them is a great Bull Shit artist and the other one is
drinking a lot of Kool-Aid.
I believe one
of the most undervalued assets within a relationship is the mutual respect two people should have for each other’s individualism. I never, ever want to morph into my
partner’s reflection that would be short selling who I am and whom I should be
evolving into. There is real danger in a relationship when you start to agree
with everything your partner says and does. For example, I was recently pulling
out of a parking spot when all of the sudden a car comes zipping behind me
blocking me from my existing leeway as they flew into an open space nearby. I
slammed on my breaks and clearly had a shocked or relieved look on my face because
fortunately, we didn’t collide. There was an elderly couple in the car and they
both rolled down their windows before parking their car and they started
spewing obscenities at me. At me? My initial reaction was to attack back, but
then I got a quick grip that I was dealing with two old dogs fighting over a
bone I was willing to throw them without hesitation. So, I wished them both a
nice day. As I began to leave the lot with my window still down the old guy
jumped out of his car with his wife trying to topple out of the other side and he
threw a final spear at me laced with his venom: “Get a grip, will ya!” He
shouted. Who is he, Larry David? A moment later I busted out into a full blown
mirth. The two of them were mirror images of each other and I thought, that is
funny and sad all at the same time. Somewhere along the line these two people
forgot who they really were and they began to meld together into one
unforgettably, unattractive couple. It got me thinking about how important it
is to stay true to who you are and be with a partner who loves and respects
that about you. And, this of course, got me thinking about the week’s
assignment for couples.
Keeping Your Individualism
The most
important gift you can offer your partner is to stay true to who you are. After
all, that is the person they fell in love with. This week I want both of you to
take time for yourselves to do whatever you need to refresh and stay connected
to your enlightened internal beings. Each of you must support the other fully
and trust one another. I also want
both of you to think about some of the qualities you loved about the other when
you first started dating. Write them down and plan a night where the two of you
can have dinner alone and share these qualities with the other. Offer the notes you wrote to your partner. The
next day each of you should review the notes and think about how you have
changed since you both first met. Have you lost who you are or have you grown
into a better you? Could it be possible for you to open yourself up to
rediscovering those qualities within and do so without compromising your
current relationship? I’m not asking you to go back in time and believe in
something you no longer feel strongly about, but I would like you to remember
that you did have a point of view at one time and that didn’t make either of
you flip out. In fact, it was what you admired and fell in love with when you
were dating. This exercise is just a reminder to be present in your life as a
whole and separate person from your partner.
Your relationship should not be the only quality that defines you…
March 19, 2012
Lost In The Maze
Of love…
Relationships,
no matter how long or short can create an internal mindlessness until we wake
up one morning feeling resentment towards our partner for loosing ourselves within
the relationship. Our thoughts trick us into believing that our dream of
becoming a ballet dancer or pro-baseball player has been squashed and it is clearly our partners' fault because they
needed too much attention or some other nonsense. It baffles me that we
continue to blame others for decisions only we can be responsible for.
If you want
to have a great relationship both internally and externally with your partner
then you must create time and room for you and your significant other. This week is all about encouraging your
partner to bring to fruition a dream they have long had, but have never made
the time for. One way to do this is to go online and do some research. For
example, if your partner has always dreamt of going to culinary school then
find out about cooking classes that are local to your area. Print out the
schedule and give it to your partner then let them know you will cover their
responsibilities for the duration of the class and even drive them there if
that’s what it will take for them to indulge. Helping your mate delight in
their life dreams and goals will make both of you happy. Resentment is a seed
you sow when you hold in your thoughts and wishes. Euphoria, is the flower that
blossoms when you sow seeds of happiness to those you love ~
If you
experienced something unique at the end of the week from this assignment please
share it with everyone by clicking on “Share Your Story”
March 12, 2012
Love and marriage go together like a horse and
carriage…
Ahem! Well,
that’s not always how it goes. Sometimes marriage can be like merging a bankrupt
company with underwater assets into a healthy company with no debt and suddenly
both companies are holding on for dear life! There are so many moving parts
it’s hard to know where to begin to
repair or maintain a healthy relationship. My firm belief with any situation
that feels staggering is to take one step
at a time.
So, this week
we are going to focus on how we speak to each other, or more bluntly:
STOP NAGGING!
For a whole
seven days each of you must make a conscious effort to not pick on the other
with the repetitive requests you bring up regularly. For example;
“Can you pleeeeeez pick up your damn socks!”
Or
“Honey, I know you just made dinner, did the laundry,
washed the dishes, fed the dog, bathed our children and got me a snack and I
know it’s really late, but would you mind giving me a little nookie?”
I am sure
both of your are screaming:
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!”
We’ll have
none of that this week.
Capisci
? Instead, you will not ask anyone to
pick up the socks, just pick them up yourself and if your partner wants a
little somethin, somethin, just give
it to them for goodness sakes, but do it in a loving way… who knows you might
just have fun! It’s not going to kill either of you to remove your stubborn
ego’s and acquiesce for one week. The most important part of this exercise is
that you must do all of this without
a bad attitude. No rolling eyes, loud
sighs or moaning (unless both of you are
in bed.) I think you’ll find that the two of you might actually have a
happier week and enjoy each other more.
You are
probably wondering where am I going with all of this? I think people have a tendency
to hold on to a certain position because their ego needs them to be right. I
have found that being righteous only hurts you. I mean, what do you think you
will get by being right? The winning lottery ticket? No! You get nothing except
all worked up and your partner looses interest in being around you. Nobody wants
to be around someone who is always
telling
them what to do.
Consequences
Both of you
have to have skin in the game or this exercise will not work. Whoever breaks
the rules and nags has to be their partner’s personal valet for one hour and this
can happen multiple times if you keep nagging. You can have your valet cook you
dinner or make you a cocktail and give you a foot massage, but nothing mean or
unreasonable. You have to play fair.
The real
meaning behind this game is to learn not to focus on the silly stuff in life
and focus on the true meaning of your lives together. Life is short, there may
come a day when you wish his socks were on the floor. Look for the elements in
your partner that you love and admire not the areas where you want to control them.
Peace out ~
If you
experienced something unique at the end of the week from this assignment please
share it with everyone by clicking on “Share Your Story”
March 4, 2012
I believe a successful marriage
requires falling in love many times… with the same person ~
This week, I
would like to see all you fabulous couples find new ways to re-fall in love
with your partner. Ah, but the question I hear you thinking is how? The answer:
C-R-E-A-T-I-V-E-L-Y
You will each
pick three days out of the week in which you will be responsible for planning a
surprise for your partner. You have to think outside of your boxes. In other words, you can’t say;
‘Okay baby, I’ll be on top tonight!’
That is not surprising. It also doesn’t have to
revolve around sex…but don’t rule this
activity out, in fact, I highly encourage it. Think in terms of extremism. For example, plan a sky diving trip or learn
the words to a love song and sing it to your baby. Each of you should spend
some well thought out time in organizing the event for your three days. Make it
fun, silly, wild, adventurous!
The idea is
to stir up the mundane day-to-day rut we get into. After you both conclude your
three days I would love for you to share the events and results with all of us!
Click here to do so: Share your Story
I promise to
keep you anonymous.
February 26, 2012
Relationships can sometimes feel
like everyday is a Monday when all you want it to be is Friday! This week I
want you to write a note everyday to your significant other letting them know
how thankful you are for something they did within the last 24 hours. Then
place this note somewhere they will find it; perhaps you can put it on a post
it note and stick it to their steering wheel.
You might be thinking;
“Do something - They never do anything for me!”
Come on now, this assignment is for
you to find ways to love and appreciate your
partner, so, I am sure you can find one gesture a day that you can be thankful
for.
Maybe it was the way they smiled at
you in the morning before they left the house or how your heart got a little
excited when you heard their car pull up the driveway at the end of the day.
These are events we normally would never mention to our mate. Wouldn’t it be
nice to hear your partner tell you how warm they felt internally when you
smiled at them? Of course it would be nice! The objective of this exercise is to
let your partner know that you think about them everyday in an admiring way.
If you experienced something unique at the end of the week
from this assignment please share it with everyone by clicking on “Share Your
Story”